Relational Aggression - gossiping, rumors, exclusion, public embarrassment
The statistic are alarming! Relational aggression is a serious matter. The Ophelia Project reports that 48% of students are regularly exposed to relational aggression.That’s almost half of all students witnessing or being directly involved in relational aggression 2 times a month or more! 90% of students reported being the target of bullying or relational aggression at one time or another. Learn more about relational aggression in the document below designed by The Ophelia Project.
Resources for Parents and Teachers
*information listed below is taken from The Ophelia Project
What is Relational Aggression?
Relational Aggression (RA) is behavior that is intended to hurt someone by harming their relationships with others. It is often covert and subtle and requires careful observation. It is not just “kids being kids.” It is hurtful, intentional behavior that damages self esteem and makes it difficult for creating and maintaining healthy relationships. It may include all or some of the following behaviors: Eye rolling Ignoring Building alliances Teasing and put downs Spreading rumors and gossip Forming exclusive cliques Cyberbullying Relational aggression is one form of peer aggression; other forms are physical and verbal aggression. Physical aggression is usually more overt and recognizable; verbal aggression typically includes put downs and spreading rumors and may be part of relational aggression. All forms of aggression occur on a continuum; while behaviors at the low end may seem harmless, like sighing or rolling one’s eyes, they quickly move to the high end to include hurtful gossip, exclusion, or threats via the Internet. |
What is the impact of Relational Aggression?
Establishing and maintaining healthy relationships is an important developmental task for children and teens. Relational aggression works against the development of these relationships. It is hurtful, damages self-concept and interferes with academic and physical development. Community leaders and parents often see the impact that relational aggression has on children and teens, but do not always understand what is happening. They may observe a child who is less secure than before or one who claims that “no one is my friend.” They may notice that good friends no longer call or come by to “hang out.” They may observe children and teens who once earned good grades doing poorly in school, complaining more frequently of stomachaches and illness or saying that they do not want to go to school or participate in after-school activities. Websites http://www.rachelsimmons.com/ http://www.education.udel.edu/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/relationalaggression011807.pdf http://rosalindwiseman.com/discussion/rosalinds-picks/ http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/elementary |
http://www.pbs.org/parents/parenting/raising-girls/friends-social-life/helping-preschoolers-resolve-social-conflicts/
http://www.nasponline.org/resources/bullying/Relational_Aggression.pdf http://www.thehelpfulcounselor.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Examples-of-Relational-Aggression.pdf http://www.opheliaproject.org/ra.html http://www.opheliaproject.org/teaching/STEPSTeachers.pdf http://www.opheliaproject.org/teacher.html http://www.opheliaproject.org/teaching/Book%20List.pdf http://www.opheliaproject.org/teaching/Aggression%20Survey.pdf http://www.opheliaproject.org/parents.html http://www.opheliaproject.org/parent/STEPSParents.pdf |
How can creating a safe social climate help you begin to address relational aggression?
A safe social climate is one where all can express their opinions, share their ideas, and celebrate their diversity. Put downs are not acceptable and inclusion is encouraged. Becoming proactive is critical. Rather than reacting to incidents of aggression after they occur, anyone can work to create organizations, clubs, sports teams or classrooms where people respect each others’ abilities and differences, value cooperation, and celebrate tolerance and diversity. Girls can be challenged to examine their beliefs about how to treat others because research tells us that beliefs predict behavior. They can learn to be more inclusive in their friendship circles and more aware of the contributions each of their peers can offer to the group. Relationships occur in a context… a culture.
All girls want to belong, have friends, and feel connected. In a safe social climate, everyone is encouraged to respect their peers and friends; aggressive behaviors are actively discouraged and positive, pro-social behaviors are actively taught and practiced.
Tips for Teachers When Dealing with Aggression
How should teachers react when children tell them about aggression? What can a teacher do to be “trustworthy”? What mistakes should teachers avoid that make kids choose not to seek a teacher’s advice?
It is important to understand that many students find it very difficult to ask a teacher for help. They may not trust the teacher. They may be afraid he will call her parents or tell the bully or make things worse. They are all afraid that if anyone finds out they went to a teacher they will be further victimized. You can be the kindest more caring teacher in the school and still meet with this resistance. How to break down this resistance:
1. Repeatedly let students know that your door is always open. If they have a problem with aggression they can:
a. Ask for a conference
b. Write a note in the suggestion box asking for help
c. Have a parent call them to ask for help
2. At the first meeting ask the student to tell his/her story. Listen fully. Let him finish the whole story without asking questions. Say how sorry you are that this happened. Then ask a few pivotal questions to get an idea how serious this is: Was there more than one aggressor? Who saw this happening? Does anyone but you know about this? Has it happened before? Have you told anyone else? Do your parents know about this? Do you see this happening to other kids in the school?
3. It’s important to identify the bystanders who may have witnessed this behavior. If you feel this needs to go further than a helpful counseling session you need to confirm what happened by calling in the witnesses and fully expecting they must tell you the truth.
4. Shame is a common result of aggression—even seemingly insignificant teasing or name calling. A child can easily imagine that everyone listening to a taunt agrees with the aggressor. If a child is excluded she might easily believe it is her fault, that no one likes her. When a child comes to you about aggression you need to let her know that there is nothing about her that deserves aggression. Remind her of her internal assets and how valuable you think she is.
5. If you can handle this incident do. Once you have confirmation from witnesses, talk to the aggressor. Do not bring the target and aggressor together. This only happens when the aggressor is ready to make it right.
6. When you speak with the aggressor your goal is for him to take responsibility for his actions and make it right. If he doesn’t you will call his parents and ask for their help. If that doesn’t work you will refer him to disciplinary staff.
Mistakes to Avoid: overreacting, blaming the target, dismissing the issue, not getting the facts from witnesses, expecting students to resolve issues themselves, putting dealing with the problem off on someone else, underscoring the severity of the issue, bringing the issue in front the whole class and embarrassing a target .
A safe social climate is one where all can express their opinions, share their ideas, and celebrate their diversity. Put downs are not acceptable and inclusion is encouraged. Becoming proactive is critical. Rather than reacting to incidents of aggression after they occur, anyone can work to create organizations, clubs, sports teams or classrooms where people respect each others’ abilities and differences, value cooperation, and celebrate tolerance and diversity. Girls can be challenged to examine their beliefs about how to treat others because research tells us that beliefs predict behavior. They can learn to be more inclusive in their friendship circles and more aware of the contributions each of their peers can offer to the group. Relationships occur in a context… a culture.
All girls want to belong, have friends, and feel connected. In a safe social climate, everyone is encouraged to respect their peers and friends; aggressive behaviors are actively discouraged and positive, pro-social behaviors are actively taught and practiced.
Tips for Teachers When Dealing with Aggression
How should teachers react when children tell them about aggression? What can a teacher do to be “trustworthy”? What mistakes should teachers avoid that make kids choose not to seek a teacher’s advice?
It is important to understand that many students find it very difficult to ask a teacher for help. They may not trust the teacher. They may be afraid he will call her parents or tell the bully or make things worse. They are all afraid that if anyone finds out they went to a teacher they will be further victimized. You can be the kindest more caring teacher in the school and still meet with this resistance. How to break down this resistance:
1. Repeatedly let students know that your door is always open. If they have a problem with aggression they can:
a. Ask for a conference
b. Write a note in the suggestion box asking for help
c. Have a parent call them to ask for help
2. At the first meeting ask the student to tell his/her story. Listen fully. Let him finish the whole story without asking questions. Say how sorry you are that this happened. Then ask a few pivotal questions to get an idea how serious this is: Was there more than one aggressor? Who saw this happening? Does anyone but you know about this? Has it happened before? Have you told anyone else? Do your parents know about this? Do you see this happening to other kids in the school?
3. It’s important to identify the bystanders who may have witnessed this behavior. If you feel this needs to go further than a helpful counseling session you need to confirm what happened by calling in the witnesses and fully expecting they must tell you the truth.
4. Shame is a common result of aggression—even seemingly insignificant teasing or name calling. A child can easily imagine that everyone listening to a taunt agrees with the aggressor. If a child is excluded she might easily believe it is her fault, that no one likes her. When a child comes to you about aggression you need to let her know that there is nothing about her that deserves aggression. Remind her of her internal assets and how valuable you think she is.
5. If you can handle this incident do. Once you have confirmation from witnesses, talk to the aggressor. Do not bring the target and aggressor together. This only happens when the aggressor is ready to make it right.
6. When you speak with the aggressor your goal is for him to take responsibility for his actions and make it right. If he doesn’t you will call his parents and ask for their help. If that doesn’t work you will refer him to disciplinary staff.
Mistakes to Avoid: overreacting, blaming the target, dismissing the issue, not getting the facts from witnesses, expecting students to resolve issues themselves, putting dealing with the problem off on someone else, underscoring the severity of the issue, bringing the issue in front the whole class and embarrassing a target .